Elder Care Connect

Does Grandpa Like Himself?

Posted on 24. Nov, 2009 by admin.

Few of us think about our own self esteem.  But how we feel about ourselves, our work, our relationship to family and the community and our place in the world is the cornerstone not only of your ability to function and be productive in life but of your mental and physical health as well.  That is a basic concept of human psychology for everyone and that need for self esteem doesn’t go away when you become a senior citizen.

When you think about it, this episode of being a caregiver for your aging parent is not your first crack at care giving.  You were the caregiver and to some extent still are for your children as they were growing up.  You took care of their every need including their emotional and psychological needs.  And any good parent learns early on that a child’s self esteem if vital to their success in school and in life.

Now you are in that relationship with your mom and dad and while you are not “raising them”, you have taken on the caregiver role which means in addition to worrying about their finances, their physical health, their diet and their living arrangements, their mental health and self esteem are things for you to consider as well.

Because it’s not us going through it, its hard for us to empathize with the huge changes going on in the life of your aging mom and dad and the massive impact those changes have on their self esteem.  For a parent, your sense of self worth comes from your independence, your ability to take care of your kids, do your job and be useful to others in society.

In the senior years all of that disappears in what seems like an instant.  In the eyes of the senior, they go from being the hero to their kids to being a pitiful old man or woman being taken care of like they were the child.  Their feeling of being useful vanishes and is replaced by a feeling of being unnecessary and a nuisance.  The “things” that they invested themselves in that are symbols of their success which includes their house, their ability to drive and their work all go away in rapid succession one after the other.

Small wonder senior citizens undergo a tremendous drop of self esteem.  And when you go from thinking highly of yourself to not liking who you are at all, that is a formula for disaster.  It’s a dangerous mental condition to stay in because without self esteem, the natural response is to turn to unhealthy thoughts of alcohol or drug abuse or in the most extreme cases, suicide.

As a caregiver, be aware of the self esteem of your aging parent and the huge impact moving out of their home and losing their spouse and ability to drive is having on them.  The symptoms of poor self esteem is your parent doesn’t take care of himself like he used to, repeats stories over and over because those stories remind him of a time when he liked himself and seem to launch on desperate adventures to try things he really should not take on just to get a feeling of being someone again.

You can do a lot to build that self esteem back up in your aging parent.  Help him get in touch with family and old friends.  Encourage him to talk about the old times and pour praise on him about those days.  And above all, let him have lots of time with the grandkids.  Those little angels could love anyone into liking themselves.  So let them use a little of that magic on Granddad so he can like himself again as well.

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A Place to Go

Posted on 24. Nov, 2009 by admin.

When you first started working with your elderly mom or dad in helping them settle into their retired lifestyle, you exposed yourself to all kinds of services that can help take care of senior citizens. If you feel your parent could use to be with people during the day but you are not able to be free to provide that support because of your job, the idea of an adult day care is often suggested as a solution to the problem.

Of course the phrase “adult day care” can be upsetting because it only goes to reinforce the image of your adult parent becoming an infant and having to be treated as such.
So when you suggest that you work together to find a place they can spend time at during the day, don’t refer to it as an “adult day care” if you can. Immediately the senior citizen will feel that you are just “putting him away” somewhere so he won’t be a nuisance to you. And you don’t want him to get that idea.

But many seniors are open to going to a senior citizen’s center or to a church program for the elderly that serve the same function. The best way to find the right adult day care situation for your parent is for you and your elderly parent to take a tour of what is available locally and make the decision together. To do that, you will want to come armed with some pertinent questions for you to get some peace of mind about letting your mom or dad spend time there each day. Some questions to include might be…

. Do they provide transportation to the different assisted care facilities in town? Does that transportation continue to run all day? You don’t want your parent going to the center and “getting stuck” there. If there is transportation, that wont happen.
. Do they have qualified medical people on hand should any problem come up?
. How many seniors are there on any given day? Too few implies that the center isn’t providing good service. Too many and your parent could get lost in the shuffle.
. Do you provide food and beverages if the stay is all day? Are your food services sensitive to diet issues if your parent is diabetic or has other diet restrictions given to him by his doctor?
. What are the costs?

Of course for your mom or dad, the activities that the day care center offers will be a big part of their willingness to go there. During football season, if the center just provides a place where elderly men can cheer for the game or have other sports programming available, that is a lot more fun for your dad than sitting alone in his apartment and watching those same sports.

If the day care center has a variety of activities that appeal specifically to each gender and then others that everyone can enjoy such as card games or puzzles, it could be an upbeat and fun place for your parent to pass the day. By spending some time there, you can get a feel for the friendliness of the staff and the general atmosphere of the center to determine if this will be a warm and welcoming place where your parent will have some fun and meet new people or a place where he will feel alone and out of place.

But if you can find a good day care center for your senior citizen, it can take a big load off of your mind. And if you know he is having fun each day and getting out with people, you know that will be healthy for him and be invigorating so he will eat better and sleep better that night. And that solves a lot of problems all at once.

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